Thursday, February 12, 2009
As much as I wanted to be thankful for this life,
I still cant.
Yes,I admit my self-esteem is very very low.
Because nobody cares.
Not even from people who share the same blood as me.
And I keep wondering, will 21 mark the most impt age of my life?
May or may not be...
regardless whether Allah gives me another chance to live on
or take me away from these misery.
The saddest thing in my life
is that the most important social agent in one's life
is not giving the support at all to me.
All I need to hear throughout my childhood and now entering into adulthood
is that they are proud to have me in this world.
Say it just once,
and I'll be able to die in peace, I promise.
I know cliche says that no matter what happened,
even if they dont utter it,
they'll still love "us".
But all I could feel throughout my 21 years of age
is that either they regret having me in this world
or that I'm nvr good enough to be part of them.
No mater how hard I tried,
I'm not in their heart,no.
Nevertheless, I owe them and Allah gratitude
for giving birth to me in this world.
For showing me what's good and bad
for giving me, even though it may be a pretendence,
a second of love when I was born 21 years ago.
For telling me that I'm stupid because
that's what motivates me to work hard and prove them wrong.
For telling me I'm as ugly as a shit because
it motivates me to portray myself beautiful in front of other people
and that inner beauty is all that matters;
which unfortunately they cant see.
I know I'm never the favourite child
and can never be one.
But I resist and stay on.
Afterall, nobody cares how I feel.
Now that I'm 21, I wonder if I should still care about this.
Cause I feel that everyone think
i dont have a feeling at all that should be taken care of.
It's just sad..
that things will never change as years past
and no matter how much we want to control our lives
other people are able to do so in our lives
earlier and faster than ourselves.
Dear Allah,
I pray that you forgive all the sins and wrongdoings that come from me
protect my mum and dad and sisters from evil spirits
give them the biggest and most happiness which I can never get
and lastly,
spread more love to my significant other who has love me all this.
I love you, Allah.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Part 2 of Anniversary Celebration
